Segern, LLC ("Segern". "We", "Us") believe privacy is important, and everyone deserves a say in what they share with the world.
We want you to have a comfortable and honest experience with Segern, so we've outlined some helpful information to aid with that.
Hmm, what kind of document is this?
Really? Wait, how did I get on this ship?
Hold on. Hold on. There, look around, we’re still on the Island.
Phew, okay I was getting worried you were a pirate or something. So, why is Segern interested in privacy?
Well, because we take your privacy seriously. We mean seriously here on the Island.
Why so serious?
No, of course, that’s good. So, now what?
Well, we’d like you to please read it in full. See we really want you to know what we're doing about your privacy. Also, because a lawyer was paid a lot for this, and getting it’s money’s worth would be awesome.
Hmm, okay makes sense… can I read it out loud?
Sure, you can even scream it from a balcony if you’d like. If you do, however (try with the animated voice of Kevin Hart) that’s entirely up to you. You can also read it in the dark with a sock puppet. We don’t judge.
Well, change is the only constant in life so, yeah. Just take a look in the mirror, We're sure you've seen some good changes over the years right?
For the little things like punctuation or fixing misspellings you probably won’t know. However, If something important, like plotting to rule the world like evil villains or even worse singing karaoke, We’ll do our best to put a notice on our website(s), telling you all about it. This way we can reassess our relationship and the changes made to it.
You can also always review the most current version of the Privacy Statement at any time by visiting this page.
But, we reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to update, change or replace any part of this Privacy Statement by posting updates and changes to our website. It is your responsibility to check our website periodically for changes. Your continued use of or access to our website(s) following the posting of any changes to this Privacy Statement constitutes acceptance of those changes.
Hmm, so, what if I’m just not into the changes?
Oh, we're sure you will be.
Umm, but if I'm not?
Then if you just aren’t that into us anymore we’ll have to part ways. It’ll be tough but we're sure you’ll get past it.
So, if I like what has changed, I should let you know, right? Like a compliment.
No no, we love getting compliments, but we're sure your time is better spent elsewhere (Walking the dog, trimming the bonsai, dancing in the rain maybe?). Now if you keep using our website(s) after the notice is published, that means you’re fine with the changes and well everything is consensual. No need to make the hotline bling.
Hotline Bling? What is this a Drake concert now?
It’s cool, I actually like that song. But, now what?
Here below, We (“Segern, LLC”) will explain to you (“you”) how We (“Segern, LLC”) treat the personal information (“Personal Information”) We collect from visitors (“Visitors”).
What is “Personal Information”? Who is a “Visitor”? What’s with the quotation marks? And why do you suddenly sound like a lawyer?
Glad you asked. A “Visitor” is someone who visits our website(s), like you. “Personal Information” is information about you that is personally identifiable, such as your name, address, email address, or phone number, and information that is not otherwise publicly available.
I hear violins. Do you hear that?
What? Let’s keep going.
How what’s collected is used and protected.
Maybe because you like to make an entrance, superstar.
You’re some smooth operators. So, you were telling me what you do with the information you collect?
In general, personal information that is collected is used for four things:
- to improve our service(s),
- to respond to inquiries,
- to send newsletters to people who want them (hint, hint, wink, wink), and
- to customize user’s experience of our website(s).
Okay sounds harmless enough, so what exactly don’t you do with the Personal Information you collect?
You must be a scholar, that’s a great question! We don’t rent, sell, or share the personal information collected with other people or non-affiliated companies, except:
- If you provide us with payment information for something you buy from us, in which case we submit your payment information to a third party payment processor (required by credit card issuers to meet specific security requirements) which collects, stores, and processes your credit card and other payment information on our behalf using industry-standard security measures.
- If disclosure is reasonably necessary to investigate or prevent, illegal action,
- If disclosure is necessary to respond to subpoenas, court orders, to establish or exercise our legal rights or defend against legal claims, or to enforce my Terms of Service (if any),
- If you specifically request we share the Personal Information you have provided, or
- If we merge or are acquired by another company.
When reasonable, we will make reasonable efforts to notify you of such disclosure before it happens.
Wow, I didn’t know you knew Harvey Specter! That just got super lawyery, is Donna here too?
Donna is out right now putting out fires.
My grandmother always said I’d make a good firefighter.
She sounds like a wise woman, you're definitely the responsible type for reading all of this.
Um, yeah I am, aren’t I… wow, thanks.
You’re welcome, just don’t get “Litt up” on the job.
Haha, good one. So, you’ve got all this information right? How do you protect it?
We protect your information by requiring employees (if any) who have access to the personal information to treat it as confidential. They will never share it with anyone or use it for any unauthorized purpose.
Oh, hey curious question.
Sure, what is it?
What if I'm not in the United States?
We're not always on this Island, so have fun wherever you’re located, friend.
Wait, what? I mean, does it make a difference?
What information gets collected and when.
Wait before I forget, what information do you collect about me?
Well, everything down to that birthmark of yours.
What? How did you know about that?
Ha, it’s a joke, almost everyone has one.
Basically, we know and store two types of things: First, there’s the stuff you send using the forms or services on our website(s) (your name, your email address, and whatever else you choose to share).
Then there’s payment information that you send if you buy something from us (which, by the way, we really think you should, because we’ve got quality stuff). That would be things like your billing address, your shipping address, and your payment information, including credit card number, security code, and expiration date. Now, just because we collect your payment information doesn't mean we store it, because, frankly, we’ve got other things to do. We simply submit it to a third-party payment processor, who are required by credit card issuers to meet specific security requirements. They in turn store and process your payment information on our behalf using industry-standard security measures.
And lastly there are the things your computer and browser tell us (your IP address, software and hardware attributes, the pages you request, information from our cookies, etc.).
A cookie? Is there milk too, that’s the best.
Hey, hey, what happened?
That darn Harvey again. You know that’s just how lawyers talk.
Oh and, we like to dip cookies in milk, sometimes.
Digging the honesty here, this is the healthiest relationship ever. Is there anything else I should know about?
I love magic tricks, awesome.
Your rights regarding personal information.
Now that everything's on the table, what are my rights here?
Well, you have the right to see the personal information you’ve provided, and to request its deletion from our database within a reasonable time.
I live in California. Does that make me special?
Why yes, of course. According to California law, residents may request a list of what Personal Information, if any, we have disclosed to third parties for direct marketing purposes in the preceding calendar year, and the names and addresses of those third parties. If you do, we will provide you with that list. Requests may be made only once a year.
Are Segern website(s) safe for kids?
Generally, yes. But in case you were asking because of the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), We want you to know that our websites are not intended for children under the age of 13, and we do not collect, use or disclose personal information from children.
I was indeed asking because of that.
We thought so. Anything else?
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